Firstly, I apologize for the scatterbrained appearance of all of this. Playing a bit of catch up as starting the blog came a few months after we dove into this, so there’s a bit of a flashback in a movie feeling to some of this as I bounce around.
At the end of January, after our time apart, time away from the cage, time away from this (a what felt like long few weeks), we re-committed. We talked, a lot, on our long drive while we moved 2500km, about what we thought of this. What it had given us in the early days, how we wanted that to continue, how neither of us could imagine going back to the old us. How it was better for our relationship, our sex life, our happiness, with some sort of orgasm denial/orgasm control/chastity element in our lives.
Miss E has a background in adult education, and I love the idea of breaking/making habits, reprogramming, so we tried to approach it in what we hoped would be a sustainable way, where results could be seen and measured, that wouldn’t feel like jumping off a cliff but would slowly break me down and re-make me (if successful).
Here is the basic premise – when I orgasm, I’m a shitty lover. A shitty husband. Not just at the moment of orgasm, or immediately after when I lose all interest, but honestly until the next time I’m interested. Add to that my frequent masturbation (5-7 times/week was my estimate), and it meant that for the old us, sex was infrequent, routine, and more like we were fulfilling part of the marriage contract than anything driven by desire or lust or mutual satisfaction. I was satisfied, of course, but she wasn’t.
So given that when I orgasm, I’m not good and she isn’t happy, we decided that my orgasms should be limited. Not that they hadn’t been limited before when we were in our exploration phase, but this time we needed a plan. Less orgasms, only happening in specific ways on specific days. That brought us to releases in general. Should I have them? Yes….stopping cold turkey was something that likely would result in this failing. Ok, so now we have greatly limited orgasms of some sort, and releases in general limited.
We agreed that part of what made our exploration so successful was the focus on her. She needs to be the focus. This needs to be about her. Everything needs to be about her. This wasn’t subtle during our talks, and therefore it isn’t now. This isn’t about me, my needs, my desires (other than to please her). This…isn’t natural for either of us. Miss E was raised quite well to be rather traditional. Please your man, be subservient, etc. This was going to be an exercise for both of us.
We decided that there should be an initial training period. Here’s how it was laid out.
Training Period – Duration, 2 months.
Full Orgasms during the training period – None
Fully Ruined Orgasms (no pleasure, no contractions) – this would be on a schedule where the period after each one would be longer than the last, stretching out my release schedule. We decided to start at 4 days apart and increase by 1 day each time for the 2 months.
Sexual play/interactions would be on her schedule, when she wanted, and only then, and would only include what she wanted to include. All of this seemed both reasonable and a tall order. This was a significant departure for both of us, after all.
We also had to decide on something resembling an orgasm schedule for me. We agreed that since my orgasms are destructive, they should be limited to special occasions. Occasions that mean something to us (so no, I couldn’t get away with naming Halloween and Boxing Day as special occasions). The list looked like this when we were done, ordered as they fall through the year.
My Birthday – February
The Anniversary of our First Date – April
Our Wedding Anniversary – July
Her Birthday – August
Christmas – Christmas
Five. Five occasions with meaning enough to both of us to warrant me having an orgasm. Five full orgasms per year. From 7+/week to 5/year. Seems nuts, right? Oh, and I should mention that during the training period, special occasions don’t count. We are actively trying to reprogram me to live without releases, or at least the overwhelming need for them. So orgasms during training she felt would be counterproductive.
Since we were starting this around the end of January/beginning of February, it made sense that we would start after my birthday. So February 1, I had my last real, full orgasm. We made love. It was over quickly, far too quickly, but that’s normal for me. And then it began.
One of the things we decided to do with the scheduled releases, my fully ruined orgasms, was to try and disassociate them from any form of intimacy. To try and help my brain really disconnect the two. Releases don’t happen with pleasure, they don’t happen intimately, they don’t happen while making out, they don’t precede or follow sex, etc. We tried to come up with a way to do them that would be as far from what used to be normal as possible, to help break the habit.
My scheduled releases now happen in the morning (we are never intimate in the mornings). They happen in a bathroom (we are never intimate in a bathroom). She sits on the edge of the tub, holding her large vibrator on the top of my cock, and I hold my cock with one hand, and a wad of toilet paper with the other at the end. I can’t touch her. I can’t kiss her. I don’t say anything other than stop at the right time. She’s fully clothed, doesn’t look at me, doesn’t say anything. It’s clinical. It’s mechanical. It’s over in a minute or so. I’m very good at timing it so that I say stop long enough in advance that the vibrator is removed and we both then stare at my cock for 5-10 seconds before it sadly deposits it’s mess into the toilet paper. No contractions, no pleasure, and if I wasn’t looking I wouldn’t be sure anything had even come out. Flushed and gone and dressed and off to work we go.
To add to this, I’m a sucker for punishment. On my birthday, I offered her a gift. To extend the training period to at least 3 months. It was while we were making love. She accepted, immediately. So that means the April special occasion now falls within the training period and is wiped off the list for the year. Next potential full orgasm – July.
We will review how it’s going at the end of the 3 month period. At that point we could extend the training (meaning continuing to push out the length between ruined orgasms) or she may decide it’s long enough and just pick a static number that she already knows I can live with and that will be it…for now.
And just because I’m a bit number crazy (and I know many others are too), here is how it looks so far.
Last full orgasm – February 1 (Next Potential FO is in July)
Current days between ruined orgasms – 10. I did really well at the start so we decided to start adding days quickly. After this 10 is up, it will be 12 to get us on to a weekend schedule so it doesn’t interfere with her morning routine on work days. After that I expect 14, 21, and maybe 28 before we hit the end of the 3 month training period.
So far since Feb 1, I’ve had 1 full orgasm, 3 ruined orgasms, and that’s it. I really am surprised how well I’m doing (not as surprised as she is). Miss E, for fun, has had 11 orgasms this month. For reference, she would have 1-2 a month before, and could go well over a month without one.