Ok, so I finally feel like I can start to talk about this journey.
Let’s start at the beginning – why and how did I get involved in this chastity/female led journey. It started on a boring November evening when Mr. J asked me to watch porn. My usual response would have been “thanks, but I’m good”, but I decided to “throw him a bone(r)”, watch some porn, and hope that he would leave me to my usual evening routines. To my dismay, he asked me to pick the video to watch. After scrolling through a few videos, for some reason a male chastity video caught my eye, and well, the rest you know.
Fast forward 3 months, I am feeling more empowered throughout this journey and feel closer to Mr. J than I have in the 20 some years we have been a couple. These are the challenges/things I have come to realize/surprises over the past several weeks:
- The female led/chastity journey really has to be about me and his needs are irrelevant. Ok, not completely irrelevant, but take a back seat to my wants and desires. This is hard – my sole focus on our relationship previously has been to make Mr. J happy and try to meet his sexual needs, even when I didn’t want to. As we have planned this journey, it has taken several “redos” as every time we make a plan for training it has still revolved around his needs. I’m not sure exactly how this realization occurred to me, but I know that in the last 2 weeks something “clicked” in my head and I know that his sexual needs are not as important as mine, and the focus on me has changed our relationship in a drastic way.
- I like having control. Like, really like having control. It turns me on at an extreme level that is completely new. I am now having 1-2 orgasms a day, versus 1-2 a month – HUGE CHANGE! I actually want to cuddle, be sexual, and receive sexual attention all the time! I can’t explain how or why this happened except to say that I am embracing the new sex kitten persona.
- I have had to be truthful with Mr. J about how our previous reality impacted me negatively and how I resisted sex (at times) as a way to rebel. This was a complete surprise to me when I came to this realization last weekend. I think my desire to “please” was so strong that I wouldn’t stand up for myself in the past and ended up exerting control over our sex life in the only way I knew how – by resisting at times, or doing what we affectionately called “wifely duties”.
- I am also now open to opportunties that I would have never considered in the past. I think one of the more impactful parts of this journey has been the realization that I am more open to new sexual experiences and nothing is “off the table”. What do I mean? Well, if chastity means that I cannot have the sexual experience I desire, I may look for it outside of our relationship, with Mr. J’s blessing. What?? That sounds crazy, but it is something we have talked about and are exploring. Right now it is only an idea, but look at what happened the last time we had an idea……
Anyway, that is my “brain dump” of thoughts surrounding our journey.