I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone doing this, since my sample size is exactly…..one. The government has yet to approve my funding request to widen the study.
One of the immediate…within days….effects of being denied, controlled, caged….was emotional. Violently emotional. Confusing, scary, hard to deal with, abnormal, and always present emotions, layered one on top of another like a therapists wet dream.
I suppose it could be the increase in hormones. Not releasing the (from what I’ve read) hormone packed fluids from my body at very regular intervals and letting them build up inside is what I’m attributing to the sudden crush of emotions. Whatever causes it, it was unexpected to say the least. I was not prepared.
The first time we really slowed down my releases….talking maybe 5 days between, and not the first 5 days, the second 5 day round, it really hit me. I was away for work, on a remote site in the middle of nowhere (probably one of the most remote places on the planet), and I was angry. Then sad. Then I felt an immense amount of guilt (there will be a post about that….). I felt anxious, a lot of anxiety, even mild panic. All very powerful, impossible to ignore feelings, while trapped in the frozen wasteland 500km from the nearest civilization in any direction, well north of 60.
In all of the fantasy/fetishy writings about male chastity, they don’t really tell you about the emotions. There’s no preparing for it. Miss E said it sounded like I was PMSing. All I knew was I wanted it to stop. It did calm down, but it took through that second round of 5 days before it calmed down (mostly).
This was a learning experience for us. Not just in how powerful hormones can be, but perhaps what my max release frequency should be. Part of this experiment is finding limits, lower as well as upper. After coming down the other side of that emotional roller coaster, we decided that my releases, however they happen, should be no more than once every 6 days to limit the hormonal ride and hopefully avoid this in the future. So far, no relapses.
To anyone who hasn’t done this before, you’ve been warned. Not warned off, mind you, but warned. The results are still worth it, but it is something to be aware of.
Beyond the initial adjustment phase, I’ve found I’m much more emotional period, but in a good way. I feel more connected to Miss E. I crave emotional connection with her. I crave intimacy. I’m much more open (too open maybe) about what I’m feeling. It’s something we both recognize as a positive.
Embrace the emotional journey that is denial, it’s worth it.